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Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
If it wasn\'t for C, we\'d be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
Either he\'s dead or my watch has stopped.
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
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God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
I\'m all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let\'s start with typewriters.
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheels?!
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The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven\'t said enough.
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I\'ll waste no time reading it.
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
A hen is only an egg?s way of making another egg.
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
Computer dating is fine, if you\'re a computer.
We didn\'t lose the game; we just ran out of time.
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The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
I am not young enough to know everything.
I\'ve never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I\'ve seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
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It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
There\'s many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: \'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
I\'m always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can\'t understand is, if they don\'t know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
I don\'t pray because I don\'t want to bore God.
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
I have not failed. I\'ve just found 10,000 ways that won\'t work.
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I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn\'t.
The trouble with the Internet is that it\'s replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren\'t, then I\'d be a teacher.
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
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It\'s clearly a budget. It\'s got a lot of numbers in it.
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
It\'s wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
I\'m not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
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In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it\'s the exact opposite.
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
Throughout American history, the government has said we\'re in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It\'s a hoax.
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
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Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I\'m going to miss mine by just a few days.
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
The company doesn\'t tell me what to say, and I don\'t tell themwhere to stick it.
I\'m not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It\'s just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
In the begining there was nothing and God said \'Let there be light\', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
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The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they\'re going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I\'ll never know.
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
Many a man\'s reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
I am not young enough to know everything.
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She\'s 97 today and we don\'t know where she is!
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You\'d be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
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If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he\'ll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
Don\'t sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
I have not failed. I\'ve just found 10,000 ways that won\'t work.
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
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Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
Sex is like air. It\'s only a big deal if you can\'t get any.
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one\'s doubts.
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Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
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Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
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It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
The only difference between me and a madman is that I\'m not mad.
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
I don\'t know anything about music. In my line you don\'t have to.
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I\'m not there, I go to work.
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We\'ve all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
You got to be careful if you don\'t know where you\'re going, because you might not get there.
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
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Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn\'t over until everyone gets their cookies.
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
Three o\'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
Am I lightheaded because I\'m not dead or because I\'m still alive?
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
Don\'t knock masturbation, it\'s sex with someone I love .
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
It\'s the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
Jesus may love you, but I think you\'re garbage wrapped in skin.
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they\'re yours.
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
And God said, \'Let there be light\' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
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When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn\'t it.
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
But at my back I always hear Time\'s winged chariot hurrying near.
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I\'m not sure about the former.
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
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If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I\'ll waste no time reading it.
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
A good sermon should be like a woman\'s skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called \'Ego\'.
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
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We don\'t make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
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Diplomacy is the art of saying \'Nice doggie!\'... \'til you can find a rock.
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
In the begining there was nothing and God said \'Let there be light\', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
Don\'t sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
We didn\'t lose the game; we just ran out of time.
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She\'s 97 today and we don\'t know where she is!
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
You got to be careful if you don\'t know where you\'re going, because you might not get there.
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don\'t seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
It\'s not the size of the dog in the fight, it\'s the size of the fight in the dog.
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
A man can\'t be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I\'ve only ever had one.
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
When I die I\'m going to leave my body to science fiction.
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don\'t know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that\'s my position.
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
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A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
Copy from one, it\'s plagiarism; copy from two, it\'s research.
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, \'Why god? Why me?\' and the thundering voice of God answered, \'There\'s just something about you that pisses me off.\'
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
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I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
A man can\'t be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
A hen is only an egg?s way of making another egg.
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you\'ll be afraid to cough.
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man\'s nose begins.
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent\'s eye, that charms to destroy...
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
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Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you\'re gonna get.
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
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I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
I have not failed. I\'ve just found 10,000 ways that won\'t work.
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
It\'s not that I\'m afraid to die, I just don\'t want to be there when it happens.
I\'m very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
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I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven\'t said enough.
Lohr\'s Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ? and better tools.
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
I don\'t even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
We\'ve all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
Diplomacy is the art of saying \'Nice doggie!\'... \'til you can find a rock.
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The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
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We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I\'m not sure about the former.
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
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If quantum physics doesn\'t confuse you then you don\'t understand it.
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Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
So I rang up a local building firm, I said \'I want a skip outside my house.\' He said \'I\'m not stopping you.\'
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Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
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When I die I\'m going to leave my body to science fiction.
最終更新日 : 2012/01/28/(Sat) 02:42
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